Spain Update #6: Sexual Desire & Women

Today I’m going to address a topic that might make a lot of Americans uncomfortable. Sexual desire!

 For women, there is a stigma that exists for any of us that want to actually have sex. You don’t see it all that much here in Spain, but being in this country made me realize just how completely biased some US logic is. I’m ready to call you out, America. Let’s get into it! 

In my home country, women aren’t supposed to have sexual desire. They aren’t supposed to want sex just as much as men, and they are supposed to suppress any desire they have in favor of “waiting.” Not everyone in the US feels this way, but it is a widely accepted way of thinking. This “waiting” is apparently so that the women doesn’t turn-off the man and, therefore, no longer wants her. Having sex on the first date, for example, means you are a slut – and who would want you again if you actually have sex *that soon* anyway?!

Just writing that idea makes me cringe. It sounds so backwards – mainly because it IS backwards. First of all, the illusion that women don’t want sex as much as men or that we are supposed to pretend we don’t have a sexual desire is antiquated, completely biased, and an outright lie. (Here’s a question: Does a man really want a girl that begins the relationship lying about her sexual urges?)

Second of all, I do not want a man that is going to judge me for having a basic human urge, one that he of course has as well. I don’t want someone that is going to act like I’m not allowed to act on this basic urge or lose interest because of it. Honestly, get out of my life, and my way – because I don’t have time for that flawed logic! We are humans, and we have sex – and it’s great! I’m not a doll to put on a shelf or an innocent little child. I am a WOMAN, hear me roar!

Slut shaming. How are we in the year 2019 and still punishing women for sexual desire? Why are we still allowing it, in the age of hookup culture and protected/safe sex? Why can’t we talk about sex, openly and honestly without it being stigmatized?

It is interesting to see the vast contrast between sex in European countries and in the United States. First of all, statistically, STI rates are drastically lower in Europe than in the United States. Using a condom is standard in Spain, and people are tested for these types of diseases regularly – often times, every 4-6 months. Both of these things are far less common in the US.

Diseases aside, let’s talk about the attitudes. There isn’t a big build up for sex when you are dating someone in Europe. You don’t need to worry about when it is too soon – and oh no, will he lose interest because I slept with him? That’s not a thing. Instead, it’s common to get sex out of the way so you can tell if you mesh with the person on that level. (Brilliant!) Everyone is open and honest about sex. It isn’t a taboo subject, and the concept of women having an equal sexual desire as men is widely accepted. Most women aren’t judged for just wanting a “hookup” or for having sex on the first date. Things are more equal on that level, and women seem more respected for being open about sex related things.

Coming from the US, this shocked me. How can my country still have such antiquated ideals about sex? I mean, let’s be honest, you hear “I don’t date girls that sleep with me on the first date” from men all the time. In Europe, it’s more like, “Let’s have sex and see if we like each other.”

So as I head to the beach, where I plan on being completely topless (OH NO, a nipple?!?! The horror!), I’ll leave you with this: Mutual respect for mutual desire. Get on board America.

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Here are some interesting articles regarding STIs in the US versus Europe. Please remember to practice safe sex. Let’s spread love, not diseases.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/std-us-eu/

https://www.google.es/amp/s/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5b85856de4b0162f471cf805/amp