Spain Update # 5: Our Decisions

Let’s talk about our actions. Every decision we make results in consequences that affect our lives and the lives of others. It’s crazy to think about – and if you dwell on that thought too long, the idea can be crippling. But what if we viewed it all differently? I want to break this down.

Making decisions.

A few months ago, I made a decision that has been talked about, judged, supported, and also at times demonized. When I left my long term relationship, there was gossip and confusion and theories about my emotional and physical health (I’m great by the way!). Some friends were telling me I was selfish or that my decision didn’t make sense. 

As a person that insists on living my life fully, I thought through my decision carefully beforehand and then acted on it when I felt there was nothing left to do. I fully committed to my personal choice, aware that there would be fallout and challenges. Looking back now, I couldn’t be happier with this choice – it was right, and I’m happier for it. But I can’t help but analyze the consequences of that choice.

I’m the bad person in some people’s eyes. But, when it comes down to it, I can’t make EVERYONE happy – so I might as well do what is right for me (while attempting to minimize the effect on others). You have to deal with the fact that some people will always have a problem with any decision you make. You have to live your life. You have to make tough decisions and be brave enough to own them, if you want to be happy. You have to move past any person that doesn’t understand your life choices. Because these are YOUR choices, and it’s YOUR life – and it is completely irrelevant and unimportant what anyone else thinks about it all. 

Others’ Decisions.

And what about the actions of others? Someone you dated didn’t call you back. Or maybe you feel hurt because of what someone did. This is the tricky part. Here, you have to realize that other people’s actions are a product of their own emotions or problems that they are dealing with in their own lives. When someone does something that doesn’t make sense to you, it almost always has nothing to do with you at all. 

People handle things based on what they are equipped with emotionally. So it isn’t fair to expect them to handle things exactly like you would. In fact, the more emotionally unhealthy a person is (maybe they were hurt in the past), the less likely he or she is to make decisions that minimize the impact on others. So when we take a step back: Does this make them bad people? Of course not. They are just figuring everything out in this life, exactly like the rest of us. 

It is important for us all to try not to feel hurt based on the actions of others. Don’t feel rejected because someone did something that wasn’t about you at all. Don’t be mad at that person for making decisions based on their own circumstances and understanding. In their lives, they are just trying to find happiness too. There will always be some kind of ripple effect or fallout when anyone makes a decision, especially a tough one. But it’s never fair to you – or them – to dehumanize them or their intentions. We are all on the same journey through life, and we are all just trying to make the most of it. Someone living their life isn’t a personal attack on you – and remember, no one can please everyone.

Bottomline.

So as we continue with our lives, as we navigate this battlefield of feelings and decisions and relationships (of all kinds), let’s try to shift our perspectives. Let’s try to rise above the surface level and see it all for what it really is: Just a bunch of humans trying to be happy.