I can feel a change coming on within myself. Have you ever felt yourself changing so much that you aren’t sure if you even recognize who you are? I’m there.
This new journey so far, it’s flipped my world upside down. It’s ignited something in me that I can’t describe quite yet. It has given me excitement and hope, and it has caused me some anxiety and pain. It’s forced me to fully confront myself and allowed me to just be what I am so I can finally decide what I want out of this world.
I’m so scared about this change. Everyone, every adult expat around me, feels like they are also on their own transformation. The funny part is that all of them (myself included) want to stay here longer, in this beautiful melancholy where they are figuring out themselves and their lives – and I think that is because we are all somehow simultaneously having the time of our lives. We’re all unsure about the future. We have no long term plan, just riding the waves. But we are all in that spot together.
I’ve thought a lot about back home (wherever that was), just thinking about how different my life was even only 4 months ago. When we live in a world where we are told what we are supposed to do with our lives, where everyone is doing the same things (staying in a job you aren’t excited about or that doesn’t fit your desired lifestyle, getting married, buying a bunch of stuff you don’t need and just collect, having kids, working more than you are actually living, not actively participating in your life), we are supposed to want all those things because we are taught there are no alternatives. You often accept a lower, less true version of yourself because that is what you are supposed to do – settle in. You sometimes feel like you are playing a role and going through the motions. And sometimes, you don’t even realize you aren’t living to your full potential or grasping all the things in this world that are yours for the taking because you’re in that bubble. (In case you haven’t caught on: When I say “you,” I’m referring to myself.) You know, some people want all those things! But if you find yourself feeling unfulfilled, these points might not be far off for you. Maybe I struck a nerve. I hope so! Anyway…
When I forced myself away from all that, I gained a new perspective. I am seeing everything differently. And in these circumstances, a person can begin to find their true self. It starts to feel like the universe is leading them toward this new destiny they never even considered. It’s an experience with harsh and challenging change, sleepless nights, scary moments – and that person will start to see their growth.
I don’t know where this life is taking me. I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now. But I know I will be drastically different. A new path is being laid out for me, and now I have to make a simple decision: Do I accept the opportunity or do I hang back in fear? It’s only life after all, isn’t it?