I started this year a different person.
I knew I didn’t want to be the person I was in 2017, but I didn’t know how to change. I didn’t know what to change. I felt stagnant, unfulfilled, and a little bit down. I wasn’t excited for the year – everything was the same, and I was bored.
Then, toward the end of February something clicked. My heart was telling me something, and I decided to follow it. It was incredibly hard to do, but without a plan, I decided to quit my professional job. I wanted to interact with more people, to feel challenged by something I hadn’t experienced. I wanted to learn and grow – to find out more about myself. So I went for it.
And that’s where my journey began. I took a month off (before starting work at a coffee shop) and did nothing but focus on my mind and what I was thinking… because what was I thinking?! I took a solo trip to the desert, a perfect place to reflect and truly be alone. I started painting and learning spanish and reading.
I dove into the issues that I had with myself, and I found out that the only things I didn’t like about me were the things a few other people claimed to not like about me. I realized I was trying to please everyone, when there is absolutely no way to do this, ever. So I did something crazy and started to just embrace myself fully. And it was a glorious awakening.
Not only that, I began to realize that the source of everyone’s joy or misery stems from within themselves and how they view the world. I discovered that we can control our thoughts – that we run our minds, they don’t run us. I decided to take full responsibility for my every mood and thought and feeling.
When summer hit, I learned a new lesson about anger and people that are miserable. I learned more about myself this summer than I have any other year. It was a time where I acknowledged that I’m reactionary when I feel hurt or judged (something to work on), but also that I have a bright, positive energy that clashes with darkness. And I was lucky enough to truly understand what it means to have compassion without any conditions or boundaries – without getting anything nice in return.
By fall, I learned where I wanted to go next in life and what my plan for the next year would be. I decided I would take a giant risk and leap of faith. It was both freeing and terrifying. It was a realization of my bravery but also of how much further I still need to go. It reignited a fire and a spirit in me that I haven’t seen in a bit!
This year was a whirlwind of learning, and I’m so thankful for the good, but especially the ugly!! That said, the work is not over for me (nor will it ever be)…
For 2019, my resolutions are simple: Learn as much as I possibly can, and be kind. I want to feel and show love toward all people – especially those people that are hurting and need it the most (you can recognize those people by how negative, miserable, or mean they are). And I want to live every aspect of my life with such psych and enthusiasm that I can barely stand it.
Guys, if you’re reading this, please just remember:
Realize how amazing you are. Wake up and see how great your uniqueness is and how beautiful your flaws are. Don’t settle. Don’t let your life become something you aren’t active in. Don’t allow your mind to portray you as a victim or a burden. You are in control of how you feel, so take the wheel and make a difference in your own life – and start with your mind.
Happy New Year, mi amigos. May your 2019 be the best one yet!
— Holly ❤