Today’s post is a very personal one. It’s about something that happened to me this year and what I learned from it. The goal for those that read this is to let you all know that with the right perspective, you can see the good in a bad situation.
Here is what it comes down to: Some people will hurt you, betray your trust, or abandon you. This is a part of life. And when that happens, it’s best not to react – but instead reflect. Write down how you feel as it’s happening (privately, not publicly on the internet). Feel the full extent of the pain. Then, allow yourself to work through it and heal.
With all of that said, here is what I learned from the loss of a friend:
Don’t Be Reactionary.
I touched on this above slightly. It’s something I personally need to work on. Being reactionary makes us look like an ass, it puts us on the same level as the person that hurt us, and it makes us feel like poo afterwards because we can hurt people this way. When something goes down, it’s best to take a break and calm down before reacting.
Remember Their Journey Is Not Your Journey
People are not you. How they react to or handle the struggles in their own lives might not be the same as how you would address your struggles. We need to remember not to judge or dictate other people’s journeys because we are not in their shoes.
So what does this really mean? It means that we are all in the same boat, trying to reach happiness, and if we demonize someone for how they are handling their journey, we will never be able to approach that person with compassion and achieve happiness ourselves. Remembering everyone has their own journey also helps free you from attachment – which is the source of expectation and let downs. (More in this topic soon in another post.)
Shift Your Perspective
Remember that only people that are hurting inside will want to hurt you. If you were betrayed or hurt by something someone did, it’s because they are in a dark place. It’s not about you at all. Happy people don’t hurt others. And miserable people usually don’t even realize the extent of their behavior because their behavior is often times an unconcious reaction. So try to take what happened a little less personally as you remember this.
You Are In Control of How You Feel
You might not get the closure or resolution you were hoping for from the other party, so it’s important to remember who is in charge of your feelings. You are completely responsible for how you feel about everything that happens to you. You must forgive them and yourself for the sake of your own happiness.
This will take time. But if you try, you will eventually make peace with it. Then, you will come out the other side shining brighter than they ever were.
Stay Open and Vulnerable
Don’t let anything that happens to you break your spirit! You are a source of light (I can tell because you clearly care about improving yourself, just reading this post) – and the fact is that light clashes with darkness. Remember that pain is a teachable moment for you and that the reward of happiness is worth the risk. Having genuine love and compassion for people is what will always lead you to a happier future.
When all is said and done, be thankful for your struggles – even if they hurt. Struggle helps you learn. If everything was perfect all the time, you’d never learn who you are and what you like in this world. You’d never appreciate the good. So remember to always look back with nothing but gratitude, and you will find joy in your life.